Quoted

Desire gives rise to the secret yearning for a person who would 
constantly approve of us and validate our worthiness.
The truth is that neither of these, or any other linear reward 
system, is going to restore and reclaim ones sense of true worth.

Then what is the magical elixir? GRATITUDE!!!!!
• Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into
enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order,
 confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into
a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our
past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow
                                                                     .…Melody Beattie

Which mechanism can we employ to elicit gratitude?

The Appreciation Mechanism
Whenever I notice myself seeking or striving for something
external for validation or when I have a craving that someone
or something be different than they are, I know that the feeling
of desire is present. Once aware of this feeling, I allow it to come
up, stay with it, and let it run its course without wanting to make
it different or doing anything about it. I focus on the feeling itself,
not the thoughts. I have the feeling without resisting it, venting it,
labeling it, fearing it, condemning it or moralizing about it.
A feeling that is not resisted will disappear as the energy behind it
dissipates.

Once the negative energy has dissipated, I am ready to reflect on
the experience and quickly become reminded that Joy originates
from within, not from frivolous external pleasures.
The final stage of this mechanism is to recognize a positive attribute
in ourselves, someone else or something and express our gratitude,
 verbally or non-verbally.