A reader said this to me ... to dive into the

pain... to feel deep into it till I break free

into bliss. A therapist told me she went

deep into her pain till she broke free of it.

Hmmm... I have experiened so much pain

with Anand's autism ... yes I wallowed in

it. Now I am just 'jaded' ... no break throughs,

just a tacit acceptance of that which is just

beyond explanation, a feeling of being a toy

in some higher beings' hands makes me livid!