Karen Richards....

... I stopped resisting struggle. I surrendered to the process. I recognized that this was necessary. It is not a doing. It is a realizing that there is something knowing of That. All we have to do is give validation to that. The mind then comes in and tries to ...oh I see this behaviour and I see that behaviour and tries to change it .... so its an overcompensation for the behaviour that it sees it doesn't like but actually this is all superficial and it is on the level of mind. So we have to go deeper - we have to realize that actually ... there is something that is untouched ... and at the same time, simultaneously fused, inseparable, from experience because experience is actually a manifestation of consciousness, of awareness. There is no separation. Can you find where awareness begins and ends. Can you find where experience begins and ends. Can you find the separation between the two. Actually, they are just words that are pointing to One Thingless Thing That doesn't have any form or location, can't be defined in any way. And I just used everything in my disposal for enquiring, to confirm that and I continue to do that; it doesn't stop.... this illness showed me that actually I was never in touch with myself ... my nursing career was always about serving others. And it was serving others to fill an emotional void in my egoic self - that I didn't recognize was there. So, this is about your cup running over, this is about being totally centred, grounded, present ... because then you are in harmony with everything. So you are serving yourself; you are serving the One and there is nothing selfish about being selfish in the right way. Its amazing in terms how it showed me that. I didn't even know what I wanted actually. I didn't even know where my boundary was and where someone else's began. So even though everything is the One manifested as everything its like I had to re-learn in this apparent physical form what was my stuff and what wasn't. From surrender comes right action, comes the clarity to know how to act that isn't coming from a personal will. Its actually coming from intelligence. Its a really difficult thing to explain actually but there is action that is not born of mind. It is not born of trying to find the right decision, the right thing to do. What do I do? This, this or this you know? There's just movement that is flowing, seamless movement .... its like a river doesn't need to decide which way round a rock it goes, its just literally flowing, its moving; its doesn't need to scratch its head and make a decision about that. So there is this innate intelligence, this innate knowing that knows how to act and when we are ready for something it appears by itself. Whatever is meant will happen spontaneously by itself..... most content that is put out there is around, in kind of psycho spiritual practices ... people who have an illness .... normally you follow a practice, you have an awakening and you get miraculously healed as a result of it ... its such a myth ... its important to convey what you have just been saying that is there is a place for surrender and there's a place for right action. Being a victim doesn't mean being totally passive ... but what you are pointing to I think is The Place that action comes from ... yes, totally, totally. It isn't about perfection in health, perfection in any form of action because where are those ideas born? So this is really abstract. This is nothing to grab hold of, nothing to make sense of, nothing to understand. And, I'm resigned to the fact that whatever will happen will happen and it has nothing to do with the physical state of this body and actually looking back about two years ago there was a period where I was really struggling. I was back in a difficult state regarding health. What I was enquiring was actually. "Could I live with this?" The conclusion I came to was absolutely yes. What choice do I have? Surrender to it. And shortly after that, a couple of months later, I was presented with some information that started a much better line of healing. There are challenges now but I'm definitely much better .... you said earlier about not having suffering about suffering and that yes that it is unpleasant and that it is physically painful  and emotionally painful but not to put another layer over that ... absolutely... its about realizing that everything is confirmation of this knowing and perception is unaffected so it doesn't matter what that perception looks or feels like and we are open to the full range of human emotion and human experience because otherwise it would be kind of boring - rainbow with just one colour or music with just one note. There has to be this contrast ...  Its realizing what I am is what you are, we are not just connected, we are the same. We are the same in essence and even though a form may dissolve, that essence remains always.